Gonzo Stro

It's at a time like this I wish the drugs were taking hold; a fat blunt of sess, or a good scotch would do just fine.  I'd like to have something to open up my mind to make sure I had a heightened awareness, or maybe something to get me just fucked enough so that I was completely oblivious.  Anyways something to make this at least: meaningful.  The thing is: I don't lose my inhibitions anymore.  I don't think I've lost them for about 10 years now.  I loosen em up once in a while, but I don't lose them.  Not even that psilocybin I ate in Amsterdam made me lose them.  Maybe that's my problem?  I haven't gone over the edge in so long.  I'm not sure this is a good thing, and I'm not sure I want to lose my mind either.  I like all the things that I think keep my feet grounded.  Like my mortgage, I mean being able to keep my house, meaning: being able to keep paying my bills, shit that's bullshit: I really don't want to think about that, and I still want to have my home.... I guess I want to be a rock star! 
But here I am straight as I can be, and I think it's working, I think I'm loose.  My head's in the clouds anyways.  It feels like I kind of have nothing to lose... ok I have: my wife, my health, my house, my friends, my parents, ( and work when I have work ).  All things I wouldn't jeopardize to lose for any reason.  That's the line I walk.  But free thinking: I think I am, but that's not really over the edge is it?  Not like Gonzo.  I gotta say: I just watched "Gonzo - Life & Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson".  His persona was, and still is a drug. Hence I'm high on thoughts right now.  I think I was 16 when I read "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and my dreams of being a hockey star we're eventually replaced by a cloud of smoke.  
So I used to be a rock star, but what teen to early twenty something who's got nothing to live for because his dreams were squashed isn't?  I eventually hit rock bottom & realized I had plenty to lose, like my life & freedom.  So at the ripe old age of 24: I "cleaned up", and found a new dream to follow so here I am: almost 36 still chasing that dream. 
But at a time like this when history is repeating itself... actually I think it's spiraling down some full metal hurt locker, and when a generation of "Gonzo" love loving ideals was just injected back into my psyche; I can't help but think someone needs to go over the edge... to continue the legacy for peace, love & democracy.
Is it going to be me?  Not unless I can get the credentials, the money, and the freedom to live the life I want to live alongside the swine that are no different than those used car salesmen of the 60's, 70's, and 80's H.S.T. was talking about, the same scum who now sell you the use of ideas in 3 year contracts.  The same rotten people who sent young men to die then, and still do it today; just so they can keep control of some sadistic ideals.  I don't even understand what that really means, but then again I could never understand how anyone can outlaw a plant, and at the same time run a business, actually I think run an economy on making and selling weapons. WEAPONS!!!!!! no good can ever come from a weapon!!!!!!! this is what should be outlawed; weapons!!!!!!!!!!!  No one in the world has to be armed, sure we can send soldiers anywhere, but one thing is for sure it doesn't help anyone if they are armed.  Send them with shovels, send them with computers, books, or seeds.  But weapons will not help keep them alive, and weapons surely will not make friends.  
I'm not that stupid, I know the "other" guys have weapons too, and at this point it doesn't matter where they came from.  The only thing that matters is not having weapons, so that they can learn from us on how to live without them.  A change of ideals is needed to reverse the trend of more weapons, to: no weapons.  If we really want to help we would go over there to help, and not with violence on our mind, but friendship in mind.
Sending anyone with weapons to meet someone else who has weapons is sending them to war.  To me this is over the edge, and this line shouldn't be crossed ever!  I'd be losing my mind if I had to go somewhere with a gun, drugs I take on my own volition: that I can handle.

Fear & loathing on the internet

I seem to spend hours on end in front of the computer thinking I'm accomplishing something, but it seems I hardly see any results from all those hours in front of this incredible creative tool.  I'm afraid the internet isn't very good for creation, maybe even imagination.  It's like tv but more like tv when you're snacking on chips & pop: not very good for you.  It's this pseudo interactivity that makes me think that I'm getting something done when in reality I'm just consuming other peoples creations.  Which there's nothing wrong with: everyone should be exposed to culture, and different point of views, art etc... but the internet is more like a multimedia manifestation of your mind wondering.  My only productive days seem to be the ones when I'm focused enough not to go on the www.  
  So I will try to be more productive which means: I will be on here less, except more if I can help it. I don't know if I can prove it; but I think my facebook/twitter use has been declining, I think it's because I've been creating more, or thinking about creating more, or blogging now.  I don't really know WTF is going on.  I need a job.  The fucked up thing is I've been doing more work being unemployed than when I was working, the only difference is I'm not getting paid.  If you don't know I got laid off at the end of January as a part of that Rogers Citytv employee slashing blitz.  I'm an artist really good with a camera & all that but being a part of the creative class is shitty if you ain't getting paid for it.  And as this blog is proof there's more & more content on the web every day, so why bother?  No one reads this shit anyways, they just look at porn, and men getting whacked in the nuts with stuff.  Am I going to give up the interwebbing though?: NO fucking way!!!!! it's still a great way to communicate, and certainly the best way to let your mind wander the wonders of the world.  Besides as a creative person I love having my own forum, because I love attention; this is why I think I create, I'm certainly not happy if I don't create, probably because I think I'm wasting the opportunity to be noticed.  I don't know by whom, but how can I create without an audience?   And there is no audience greater than on the internet.  
this internet shit doesn't even have to make sense there's a captive & I should add: viral audience for it.
BTW here's a pretty cool thing on the internet : a new  Gorillaz video 
-stro
p.s. & then I watched this viral video link posted to twitter by @Torontocamgal

Mastering art & hockey

I think I've mastered hockey, hockey stats in D level men's league hockey don't lie to they : )   But I'm no hockey playing genius because I didn't master the game until my thirties.... if I was a hockey master at 20: I would've gone pro.  Even though I now understand the game with the best of them, my body isn't capable of taking the punishment of pro hockey.  Mastering a sport at an elite level is very difficult because of the limited time one has to do so, because there is such a short time we are at a competitive physical peak. 
But art is a different game.
I love movies and I have been making them since I got my first VHS camera at the age of 15.  I eventually even graduated from film school.  I'm still making movies, and seriously aspire to make major motion pictures.  But art isn't like hockey; there aren't stats, there's isn't a draft, and no time limit on "making it" just money & fame, which sometimes doesn't come till you're dead.  So if you haven't made it "big" in the art world how do you know if you're a prospect?  How do you know you've mastered it?  Can you even master something which has no boundaries ?  
I use art and movies interchangeably because I think movies are the medium that best captures the essence of what art has always been about; telling stories.  
I feel like this is boring, and running on (or maybe I just lost my patience ).... so I'm just going to make a point; If I haven't mastered art yet?!?: one day I will, because it's not like there's a time limit on making it in the art world. Anyways here's a couple of recent posts of my work.  




stro

Swag & Photos in TO

I have teamed up with fashion blogger IF I WAS A RICH GIRL to help enhance said blog, having over ten years of experience covering events, as a photographer, including the past 8 as a videographer for Citytv her blog should be better off.  Also being interested in fashion, and culture I'm hoping the partnership will create opportunities for me; especially since I'm now out on my own trying to make a living in this brave new digital world.  
Assignment one was a media call for Dr. Martens 50th Anniversary line of footwear.  I went in to take pictures, and report on the vibe of the event since IFRICH couldn't make the event.  The media kit has pictures of the entire product line so I ended up just being a gopher to bring it back to IFRICH .  I did however get  fitted for a pair of  sweet Stussy designed "Docs" so it was well worth while, lunch at the Windsor Arms Hotel was also included.  Though my pics probably won't be used in her story, here are my favorite pictures from the event.

got fitted for these

In the evening came assignment nr. two. It was a Swarovski event

here's a picture from that: 

 

-s1

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stro1